My birthday this month began with my Android phone singing Happy Birthday to me. My phone sang in that oddly pleasant sounding electronic voice that also bids me greetings whenever I power up my phone. Of course later in the day I got happy birthday well wishes from my lovely princess Ciara, Tracy, Mark, and a few of my very dear friends. But my Android is the only one who sang to me. That's a good thing. I feel weird when real people sing Happy Birthday. I'm sixty-four and feel like I'm still twelve, despite my having begun radiation and chemo therapy for the residule horrors that the surgery could not excise. I opted for the chemo schedule that includes one 6-hour treatment every 3 weeks as opposed to a 2-hour treatment once a week, mostly because I didn't want to do the extra driving but also because with the weekly treatments they suggested putting a "port" in my chest -- yet another hole drilled in me. . . no thanks. As of this writing, I have had my first chemo treatment and five days of radiation and I have yet to excperience any neausea or other noticable side effects -- quite the opposite actually. I have been ravenous and eating voraciously and have gained eight pounds. The only notable side-effect has been from the chemo drug (Cisplatin) which notably affects certain nerve endings, particularly audidory nerves, I was told. So far I have noticed that the normal age related tinitus ringing in my ears has become louder. Also, I feel a little queasy in the mornings, but that's all. I was warned that the Cisplatin treatments may affect my hearing. Hence the pre-chemo hearing test and my upcoming post-treatment hearing test.
Ciara stayed the night and we had a steak dinner a few nights ago. She woke primed and ready for school and I'm made her breakfast – eggs over easy, hash browns and trailer-park toast. For dinner I made Thai coconut-curry chicken and veggies. Yes, she used chopsticks. She is so wonderful -- staying with me while I do the chemo and radiation shit and I relish every second I have with her. But I know it's difficult for her to spend time with me and keep up with her school work so I promised her that I'm doing fine and that she should go back to th blue house (her mom's house) and attend to her real business which of course is her schooling.
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Despite my half-hearted objections, Ciara stayed over another night with me. For breakfast I made a ham/cheese/mushroom/onion omelet topped with Hollandaise sauce, hash browns and maple flavored sausages, coffee and orange juice. I love cooking. But I mostly love cooking for Ciara. Oh hell, I love taking care of her in any way that I can. I spoil my princess every chance I get, When she is at her mother's house, I worry about her. Antonia can be difficult to say the least. And I don't think she understands Ciara at all. She definitely does not spoil her.
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It's been a few days since Ciara went back to the blue house. Though I have lived alone for almost half my life, I think this is the first time I have ever felt lonely . . . when I don't see Ciara for a few days. But not just because of that, also because I am not working now while doing the cancer treatments and the workplace is and has been the greatest percentage of my social life for the past few years. I could work some I suppose, since I am feeling pretty good, but I would have to interrupt my work-day schedule every day with doctor appointments, chemo days and daily radiation treatments. I don't think having to accomodate my medical schedule is something that my boss should have to work around. So I'm taking a sebbatical from work and getting whatever state benefit money I can obtain for my living expenses. Unfortunately state funds are not enough to cover rent, living expenses, medical bills not covered by insurrance, and my beer money so I'm also using the proceeds from the sale of my house in Texas to pay for what the state cannot cover. Using the money from the sale of my house to live on and pay medical bills is depressing. I anticipated using the house sale proceeds to pay for Ciara's college tuition and other expenses. My life has become a very strange dream or something I might watch in a movie. It's not my life. Or not the life I ever imagined. But I'm still Ok for now . . . I think.
