Future Human

When I was eleven years old my parents took me to a doctor to see why their son was apparently growing breasts. My nipples were swollen way beyond what would be considered normal for an adolescent boy and I hadn't even reached male adolescence. It was the first time I heard the word hermaphrodite. The doctor jokingly said “You are becoming a girl.” A remark that stuck in my memory forever. But at the time, I didn't think it was funny. Neither did my dad. I was mortified. The doctor went on to explain to my parents that when my male hormones activate my breast development would likely stop. But maybe not. And if not, I could have surgery to “fix” my condition. As for why this was happening he told my parents how all fetal genitalia are female until the Y chromosome induces changes that result in the development of male testes. He said however that in some cases that ovarian tissue also continues to develop, resulting in “hermaphrodite syndrome” and that I may be one of those cases. 

The doctor went on to say that in most cases like mine, once the male hormones kick in, my breast tissue development would stop and he was right. I remained flat-chested for most of my adult life. But in my mid to late 30's when my testosterone levels started dropping off, my breasts started growing again. I spoke with another doctor about it who said my breast growth history is consistent with the presence of residule ovarian tissue (possibly an ovotestis) and I may be what is now referred to as "intersex." By the time I was forty I had developed the cute little A-cup size boobs that I have today, and honestly, I don't mind it. In fact I think being a man with female parts makes me kind of a futuristic human -  a jump forward in human evolution. 

But all joking aside, though I used to hate it, these days I do relish being different - being a man, but also part woman . . . what used to make me wear a t-shirt in any situation where toplessness was the norm, swimming or sexual encounters, I always kept my shirt on. Not anymore. These days I proudly exhibit my bigender attributes -- my righteous biceps and my adorable little boobies. I feel like an evolutionarily advanced human – true physical androgyny, with both male and female anatomical parts.

Cancer

The urgent care doctor sent me to a ENT specialist who sent me to an oncologist (Dr. Wahl) who ordered a CT scan and which lead to having a biopsy of the lump in my throat. Never having had such a procedure I was apprehensive to say the least. The doctor who performed the procedure was very kind and understanding and assured me that all I would feel was the initial prick of the anesthetic needle. He was right.  Based on the CT scan he felt it necessary to biopsy six lymph nodes. Me and my numb neck left the clinic and bought a six-pack of beer. 

I signed up to Swedish hospital's "My Chart" online so I could see the pathology report myself without having to make another appointment to hear the news. The pathology results: Right upper neck lymph nodes – metastatic HPV mediated (p16 positive) squamous cell carcinoma: p40 strongly positive, p16 strongly positive . . . in plain English – cancer. But it doesn't feel like reality. I don't feel anything except a sense of urgency about hearing the diagnosis from a doctor. 

Someone from the Swedish Cancer Institute in Issaquah called me the next day and scheduled a consultation appointment with Dr. Wahl to discuss my options. At that meeting she informed me of the seriousness of my condition but either couldn't or wouldn't give me a definitive prognosis. She made me an appointment for a positron emission tomography (PET) scan for better images of my lymph nodes and the rest of my body to look for other possible "mets". She also made an appointment with a radiologist.   

. . . 

I'm sure the PET scan results provided the doctors with details they need to procede but the jargon in the report didn't enlighten me any further except for one notation (not cancer related) -- I have bilateral gynecomastia . . . my man boobs are actual mammary glands!  I can't even begin to say how much I love that. 

I met with the radiologist (Dr. Spiegel) who explained in great detail what kind of cancer I have the various treatments involved. His description of the radiation treatment effects were graphic involving burns on the outside and inside my throat, severe enough to prevent me from swallowing food so a “feeding tube” would need to be inserted into my stomach. I asked about having the tumor surgically removed and he confirmed that was a definite possibility but I would still need radiation and chemo therapy. He was very blunt and scarry, but like Dr. Wahl, he couldn't or wouldn't comment on my prognosis. He only said if I didn't have the treatments that I would be dead in three or four years. He gave me the name of a surgical oncologist to see in Seattle. Driving in Seattle distresses me more than the whole cancer scare. 

. . . 

My friend Christie went with me to see the surgical oncologist in Seattle.  She drove, saving me the horror of driving and in Seattle traffic. The surgical oncologist (Dr. Golden, how perfect is that) was a hyper young fellow who enthusiastically told me that I needed surgery to excise my cancerous lymph nodes, tonsils and maybe other neck and mouth tissues. He also said that followup radiation and chemo therapy would still be needed to ensure the eradication of remaining cancer cells that surgery doesn't remove. Oh, and finally a doctor willing to give me my prognosis and status -- he said my cancer is nearly stage 3 and good thing I didn't wait any longer in seeking medical attention.  He said I'm "not going to die from this," citing a 90% survival rate with treatment for this kind of cancer and he said that Dr. Speigel was correct in saying that without treatment I would be dead in three or four years. Dr. Golden will be performing the lymphadenectomy, tonsilechtomy and cutting out whatever else he finds all in one surgical session about three weeks from today - August 23rd.